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Funny
Biggest Miscellaneous Funny
English SMS Messages Collection
Message Number : 1 ☻20%
of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching
television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand
Message Number : 2 ☻A
woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway,
a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
Message Number : 3 ☻Are
these your eyes, I found them between my brests!
Message Number : 4
☻At this
moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have
forgotten this before.
Message Number : 5 ☻Be
friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
Message Number : 6 ☻Be
nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
Message Number : 7 ☻BEEB!
Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex
tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
Message Number : 8 ☻Birdy
birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just
happy that a cow can't fly!!
Message Number : 9 ☻Braindetector
activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good
grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.
Message Number : 10 ☻Did
I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a
rubbish bag after all! .
Message Number : 11 ☻Do
not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .
Message Number : 12 ☻Don't
feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !
Message Number : 13
☻E man pays
$.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that
she does not need.
Message Number : 14 ☻Excessive
use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.
Message Number : 15
☻For you I
would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"
Message Number : 16 ☻God
created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God
makes mistakes!
Message Number : 17 ☻God
created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good
and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make
herself up’!
Message Number : 18 ☻HALLO,
this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your
pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!
Message Number : 19 ☻Hello
I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I
can't find a brain.
Message Number : 20
☻Hello, this
is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised.
My apologies on behalf of the whole world..
Message Number : 21 ☻How
would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?
Message Number : 22 ☻I
am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill
you for nothing!
Message Number : 23 ☻I
am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T
Message Number : 24 ☻I
am not your type ... I am not inflatable.
Message Number : 25 ☻I
know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...
Message Number : 26
☻I like to
compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste,
really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!
Message Number : 27 ☻I
once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...
Message Number : 28
☻If being
ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
Message Number : 29 ☻If
you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove
that you have not changed a bit.
Message Number : 30 ☻If
you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.
Message Number : 31 ☻Ik
would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is
working!
Message Number : 32 ☻In
case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN
CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
Message Number : 33 ☻It
is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal
in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!
Message Number : 34 ☻Love
me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???
Message Number : 35 ☻Mobile
sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for
everything ... dial my number!
Message Number : 36 ☻My
feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me
sick."
Message Number : 37 ☻My
mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this
moment...
Message Number : 38 ☻Nice
perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?
Message Number : 39 ☻One
out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother
are not Chinese, it must be you.
Message Number : 40 ☻Opticians
bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that
your ears are in the wrong place.
Message Number : 41 ☻Read
in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed
Message Number : 42 ☻roses
are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to
you????
Message Number : 43 ☻roses
are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...
Message Number : 44 ☻Scientists
in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have
difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................
Message Number : 45
☻Smoking is
allowed in this area, blowing not!
Message Number : 46 ☻The
more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more
I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??
Message Number : 47 ☻The
one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !
Message Number : 48 ☻They
dropped your name, can you pick it up ?
Message Number : 49 ☻This
cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy
cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
Message Number : 50 ☻This
is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be
activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will
be disabled, unless you are ugly.
Message Number : 51 ☻This
is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours
and do certainly not miss the job adds."
Message Number : 52 ☻This
sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just
not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!
Message Number : 53 ☻Those
beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile
.... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?
Message Number : 54 ☻We
cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old.
"I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few
people die."
Message Number : 55 ☻We
will now upgrade your brain.......Please
wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no
brain found !!!
Message Number : 56
☻What he
want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not
allowed!
Message Number : 57 ☻When
I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
Message Number : 58
☻You are an
unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their
accident insurance.
Message Number : 59
☻You are
never too blond to learn !!!
Message Number : 60 ☻You
got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell
got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number
Message Number : 61
☻You have the
ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those
who think that they are doing things.
Message Number : 62 ☻You
should know what it takes to look this cheap!
Message Number : 63 ☻You
used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck,
otherwise even the dog would not play with you
Message Number : 64 ☻You
will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking
about it or thinking about it?
Message Number : 65
☻You with
your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ...
o, sorry, wrong number
Message Number : 66 ☻You’d
better not be a dayfly and not having your day.
Message Number : 67
☻Your
provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your
genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free
from now on!
Message Number : 68 ☻It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!
Message Number : 69 ☻A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!
Message Number : 70 ☻i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!
Message Number : 71 ☻Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!
Message Number : 72 ☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!
Message Number : 73 ☻Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
Message Number : 74 ☻A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
Message Number : 75 ☻At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
Message Number : 76 ☻The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
Message Number : 77 ☻i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again |
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