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World Largest Collection of Miscellaneous Urdu SMS Messages

1)Kaash khushiyon ki koi dukan hoti,
Humse bhi uski koi pehchan hoti,
Bhar dete aapke achal khushiyon se,
Keemat uski chahe hamari jaan hoti.....

2)Aasma ke tare puchta hai,
Kya tumhe aaj bhi intezar hai uske aane ka,
Yeh dil muskura k kehta hai,
Ab tak yaken na huva uske chale jane ka...........

3)Ek he saher mein rehta hai,
Phir bhi mil nahi pate hai,
Tumse toh tumhare khwab acha hai,
Jo ankh bandh karte he chale ate hai........

4)Hamari Aapki dosti bilkul fix hai,
Love, emotion, sadness sab kuch mix hai,
Hum toh aapko nahi bhulange kabhi,
Aap bhul na jaye bus thoda yeh risk hai...

5)Yaar ne dil ka haal batana chod diya,
Humne bhi gehai me jana chod diya,
Jab usko hi doori ka ehsas nahi,
Humne bhi ehsas dilana chod diya.....
_________________

Na kar sajna ishq daleri,

hundi ishq 'ch hera feri.

Ithe lakhan aashiq mar gaye

karde maan jawani da,

na ban sohneya sajna oye

MANKA kise de gal di Gaani da.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yadaan nu terian asi pyar karde haan,

Sau janam vi tere te nisar karde haan.

vehl mile ta kujh likh bheji yaara,

Sirf ik tere hi sunehe da intezaar karde haan.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mera chirag bujha ke hawa ne rona si,

Tamasha eh vi mere hi shehar ch hona si.

Je vikhaai dindi ambran de dilan ch chees paindi,

tan tuttde tareyan da sab nu fikar hona si.

Kite je waqt sadi rag-rag ch jehar na gholda,

tan merian gazlan ch v phulan da zikr hona c. _________________

Psychiatrist's receptionist comes & says There's a man out who says he can make himself invisible. Psychiatrist: "Tell him I can't see him right now."

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There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it. There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it!

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Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks To be as rich as his child believes To have as many women as his wife suspects..

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Women are like blue jeans, They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

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If u r stressed, you'll get pimples.. if u cry,u'll get wrinkles.. So, y don't u smile & get dimples?
Do u know whats A B C D E F G? A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ? Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again

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Friendship is a network tht needs: no recharge! no roaming! no validity! no activation! no signal problems! juz dont switchoff ur Heart.!

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Definition of a Nurse A young and beautiful woman who fingers u in all places n holds ur hand and then expects ur pulse to be normal

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Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don't know. Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called? Student: They r called Germs.

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Some Realties of Life. "U love someone U marry someone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband. And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id"
A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!

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2 days of powrcut in Delhi had made life miserable worst affected was "Delhi metro statin where families of Banta n Santa were stuck for 48 hrs on.... Escalators

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He said... Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune? She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter who left you the money!

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Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.

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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait someone else is using it."

"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass."

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A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible? Bcoz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever u go out network follows

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Dream makes al things possible, Hope makes al things work, luv makes al thigs beutifl, smile makes al d abv so always BRUSH UR TEETH...!

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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

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Advice Always listen to ur hubby, He gives sound advice: 99% Sound & 1% Advice....
A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

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Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time.

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A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!

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Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!

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What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH

What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?

Boy's underwear half off.

Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?

Two 5 year old boys.


Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games?

Because he gets to see some balls.


Elton John wasn't the only one who composed a song for Diana:

1) Roxette - "Crash! Boom! Bang!"
2) Michael Jackson - "Blood on the dashboard!"


What do Micheal Jackson and playstations have in common?

They both get turned on by children.


Why did Michael Jackson call "Boys to Men"?

He thought it was a delivery service

What does Michael Jackson have in common with the NASA?

It's been 25 years since his first moon landing

Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?

"Don't let your son go down on me."

Imagine if major companies started producing or sponsoring condoms, they would become far more fashionable.

Nike Condoms: Just do it

Ford Condoms: The ride of your life

Sony Condoms: Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms

Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

KFC Condoms: Finger Licking Good

M&Ms Condoms: Melt in your mouth, not in your hands

Coca-Cola Condoms: The Real Thing

Ever-Ready Condoms: Keep going and going

Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop

Burger King Condoms: Home of the whopper

Nokia Condoms: This is Human Technology

Ericsson Condoms: It's all about connecting people

Motorola Condoms: What you never thought possible

Renault Condoms: Size matters

Energizer: Never say never die

Diet Coke: Just for the taste of it

Ariston: And on, and on ...

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean.
49 times it was too late.
47 times you were too tired.
30 times it was too hot.
25 times you pretended to be sleeping.
22 times you had a headache.
19 times you had to get up early.
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby.
16 times you said you were too sore.
12 times it was the wrong time of the month.
9 times you said weren't in the mood.
8 times you said your mother would hear us.
7 times you were sunburned.
6 times you were watching the late show.
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo.
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us.

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling.
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished.
6 times you just laid there.
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with.
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

To my dear Husband

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

36 times you did not come home at all.
33 times you came too soon.
21 times you didn't cum.
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat.

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You can get chocolate whenever you want.
1. "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

3. Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

5. You can have chocolate in front of your mother.

6. If you bite nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.

7. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

8. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

9. You can have chocolate any time of the month.

10. You don't get hairs in your mouth when eating chocolate.

11. When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.

12. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

13. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15. Good chocolate is easy to find.

16. Nobody thinks you'r weird if you buy chocolate.

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine

Men are like ...




Laxatives

They irritate the shit out of you.

Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Vacations
They never seem to be long enough.

Weather

Nothing can be done to change them.

Blenders
You think you need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Chocolate Bars

Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Coffee

The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night.

Commercials

You can't believe a word they say.

Department Stores

Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Government Bonds
They take so long to mature.

Mascara

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Snowstorms
You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Lava Lamps

Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Parking Spots

All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

Doctors: What they say & What they really mean! Rank 23 (ø 3,24 )

"This should be taken care of right away."

"I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."

"Well, what have we here ..."

Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.

"We'll see."

"First I have to check my malpractice insurance."

"Let me check your medical history."

"I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you."

"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."

1) "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time."
2) "I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit."

"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."

"I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."

"Hmmmmmmmm."

Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say this a lot.)

"We have some good news and some bad news."

The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.

"Let's see how it develops."

"Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured."

"Let me schedule you for some tests."

"I have a 40% interest in the lab."

"How are we today?"

"I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell."

"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."

"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig."

"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."

"I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."

"That's quite a nasty looking wound."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"This may smart a little."

"Last week two patients bit through their tongues."

"This should fix you up."

"The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all symptoms."

"Everything seems to be normal."

"I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."

"I'd like to run some more tests."

"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one."

"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"

He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split fees.

"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."

"I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week